the seventh wave

[mazzie]

i turned on the tv just in time to see the las 10 minutes or so of Pretty Woman.
yeah, cheese central. i don't think i ever thought this movie was fantastic - probably just entertaining.

it occurs to me now though that movies like this (stories like this?) have invaded my subconscious in some pretty heinous ways. at the end of the movie, despite the heroine saying she doesn't want to go with him, the hero makes a Grand Gesture and wins her, just like we'd (and she'd, no doubt) hoped.

this is love?

i've spent a lot of time and hope waiting on Grand Gestures from people i dated. i've thrown down the Gauntlet of Ultimatum in complete expectation that it would be lifted up and cast aside with a Grand Gesture. this is a foolish game. we are not, in reality, as individuals, disposed to make Grand Gestures. they're more foolish and dangerous than the Gauntlet of Ultimatum.

truth, too, is that even a shadow of a Grand Gesture, in the face of an already stated desire for a different outcome (whether false gauntlet or not), is met with resentment.

when Richard Gere came clamoring in with opera and horns and shouting, climbing the fire escape, why did she not say "hey, asshole, i said no. i have other plans now!" ?

trying to think of other movies and stories that have the Gauntlet of Ultimatum and the Grand Gesture. i am sure there are plenty of them.

Comments

[queenmabwords.livejournal.com]

I never had a "Gauntlet of Ultimatum," but there was some sort of a time limit involved. Not consciously, really. One day I would say to myself, "Hey, I've given this relationship about a month, and things just don't seem to be jelling, so we should break it off before this nowhere relationship goes... no where longer." In retrospect, it seems kinda cruel, but I guess it worked, for me, at least. *scrug*

I take after my Dad with attitudes toward relationships, and my Mom about relationship guilt. ;)

I am surprised to find that I have had people pining after me. One of my ex's moved out of state when I got married. And I had no idea he even cared about me. -15 for perception.

[queenmabwords.livejournal.com]

I have to give myself a break about that "-15 Perception." He told me that he never saw our relationship going anywhere.

I can't be blamed for not ignoring what he actually _said_! "You should have seen through my mind-fucking?!!!" Yes, I have had guys tell me that, sad but true!

[mazzie.livejournal.com]

ah, maybe that was him tossing down the gauntlet and expecting a huge gesture from you. maybe.

sean and i have been saying to each other, in the whole two weeks we've been dating, "NSG" - or No Shit Games.

here's hoping *fingers crossed*

[queenmabwords.livejournal.com]

LOL! If so, what kind of gesture was he expecting, I wonder. The mind boggles.

[blueinva.livejournal.com]

Gestures mean little. Actions count for so much more...*smile*

[queenmabwords.livejournal.com]

I'm sure he's happier whatever he's doing now. I mean, you find the person who can give you the right answer to your type of question.

[blueinva.livejournal.com]

No feed for fingers m'dear. Well, least not for that purpose... *wink*

[beeeej.livejournal.com]

Well, to be fair, if I remember the end of that movie correctly, she would have gone with him if he'd been open to incorporating her into his whole life the traditional way. I didn't read his grand gesture as a re-offering of his "great condo" offer, just with flowers and opera - I read it as, "I'm ready to have you as my true partner." In that light, she wasn't accepting his lesser offer because it was re-offered in a grander way, she was accepting his grand, massive internal change.

[mazzie.livejournal.com]

yes, if memory serves, you're right about that - but that doesn't change the scenario of ultimatum and grand gesture, does it? his grand change was his grand gesture, her not accepting being less than his true partner is her ultimatum. and why would she believe him, anyway?

"baby, i've changed!"

mmhmm.

/cynic

[beeeej.livejournal.com]

Well, now you're kind of changing the rules. :-{}) Am I to understand that you want the woman who has laid down the Grand Ultimatum to renege on it when the man makes, in return, the Grand Gesture sought by the Grand Ultimatum?

[mazzie.livejournal.com]

no, no, you're right I don't mean to change the rules or say she should renege. throwing down the gauntlet in the first place is stupid, and sweeping it up in a grand gesture is more stupiderer. and none of it is realistic, which brings me back to the point of the post in the first place, which is something like these kinds of ridiculous made-for-hollywood love stories leave some of us with wildly unrealistic expectations when it comes to life and love and all that crap.