mazzie

saints march out (march 17, 2005)

and on closer inspection
i realize
that my wings
are glitter and glue
on cut out cardboard
and my halo
is a circle of tin
shaped with fool's hands
my magic wand
(how it cures all ills!)
molded plastic
from turning boxtops in

so i'll sit myself here
an ordinary girl
in the dust
of a slightly
slipping down
life
___

beast feast (april 5, 2005)

in the grace of earned fortune
i see lines betrayed
retreating backward
from false pretense
and misread intent
to find comfort and
disdain
in sameness of color
recapitulated horror
and all things
muddled

anointed rush out
and in comes
the beast feasting
on her bitter heart
taunts for angry joy
love in metered doses
too close to touch
too far to run
instead i stand
and take the fists
bestowed
on fallen saints
and angels
with cardboard
wings

America
by Langston Hughes

Little dark baby,
Little Jew baby,
Little outcast,
America is seeking the stars,
America is seeing tomorrow.
I am America.
America--the dream,
America--the vision,
America--the star-seeking I.
Out of yesterday
The chains of slavery;
Out of yesterday
The ghettos of Europe;
Out of yesterday
The poverty and pain of the old, old world,
The building and struggle of this new one,
We come
You and I,
Seeking the stars.
You and I,
You of the blue eyes
And the blond hair,
I of the dark eyes
And the crinkly hair.
You and I
Offering hands
Being brothers,
Being one,
Being America.
You and I.
And I?
Who am I?
You know me:
I am Crispus Attackus at the Boston Tea Party;
Jimmy Jones in the ranks of the last black troops marching for democracy.
I am Sojourner Truth preaching and praying fir the goodness of this wide, wide land;
Today's black mother bearing tomorrow's America.
Who am I?
You know me,
Dream of my dreams,
I am America.
I am America seeking the stars.
America--
Hoping, praying
Fighting, dreaming.
Knowing
There are stains
On the beauty of my democracy,
I want to be clean.
I want to grovel
No longer in the mire.
I want to reach always
After stars.
Who am I?
I am the ghetto child,
I am the dark baby,
I am you
The blond tomorrow
And yet
I am my one sole self,
America seeking the stars.

Still
You're a tangled mess
Wrapped up in your sheets
Stinking of sweat and whiskey
Waiting for birds to start their din
Tell you what they know

So you wanna be a recluse
Stay in bed today
Ignore the phone and the door
Pretend sunrise never happened
Untwist yesterday and the sheets
So you can pull them over your head
And stay
Still

Bukowski might say
(Nothing, you idiots
Bukowski's dead!)
Today is a fucking mongrel
Snarling and growling and barking outside your house
Demanding to be let in
Today
I would have to agree.

feathers float up
like fairy dust
from the coat he
ripped as he threw
you to the ground

the sleeves hide
your hands and it
falls below your knees
and you wrap it

around you tight
with your eyes closed
and your face calm
because you say

it don't matter
you don't need no help
you just want to sleep
wake you when it's time

for the nurse
the exam
the detective
and your ride home

lay your head down
take your peace
and feathers float up
like fairy dust

October creeps in
spreading the foul odor
of leaves clinging together
on cold pavenment
pasted with rain and mud

the sky hangs low
a heavy grimace
inviting the chilling damp
of frost on iron
and brown on green

pray with me for winter
and chill that can extinguish
the grey false hope
and cover the dead
with layers of white

i wish i could have learned the things
i learned from you without losing
the things i lost
i wish i could have the memory
of the way i felt under the stars
watching our breath rise into the darkness
my heart chanting to the moon and thanking her
you telling me how i was made of stars
how i may even be projecting
a light that could be a star to someone else
somewhere else, some time else
without having the memory of you walking away
of me staying with you even though
we both knew you were going to leave

i wish i could fit it all into a box
and tuck it under my bed and take it out
when i want to feel it
not have it sneak out of my pocket
and into my brain
when i am walking down the road
thinking of work and cleaning my house
and the friends i laughed with the night before
i wish i could hear your voice again

i wish i could look at you
unseen, when you study
learn, teach, dream

i wish i could feel as beautiful
as i did when i was naked
next to you

beautiful and brilliant and strong

and now i'm weeping and lonely
and angry with myself and you and time

i saw an empty pack of dorals in my trash
the other day and I felt
like someone hit me in the stomach

i was doing pretty well at tricking myself
into believing that you were never really there
never quite here

but you were

I still think about you

he took my self
she said
stole my truth
left me for dead

this is how it goes
and nobody knows

it's just one hit
she said
get my high
and leave my head

this is how it goes
and nobody knows

a little cut
she said
let me know
this girl ain't dead

this is how it goes
and nobody knows

i'm coming back
she said
took a breath
and moved ahead

this is how it goes
and nobody knows

five dreams
came rushing into the real tonight
and I wept
and I let them go.

even small things
can change the world
when they are done
with great love.